It is often said that life is simply a series of choices. I agree with this assessment, but I think there is one more point to this equation. I believe life is a series of choices and a series of consequences. There are consequences not only for the choices we make, but for those we don’t make.
I am not concerning myself with the mundane daily choices such as what type of cereal you eat for breakfast or what outfit you wear to work. Those choices typically only affect the chooser. I am more concerned with choices we make which have a bearing on the lives of others.
I want to examine the choices of friendship. I will point out some choices we make without thinking about the fact that we are choosing.
When you receive a text from a friend:
-respond or pretend you never saw it?
When a friend calls:
-answer or ignore it?
-call back or dismiss it?
When there is a get-together being planned:
-call/text to invite or assume someone else will?
When something important happens in your life:
-contact to share the details or let it be read in your Facebook status?
My point here is that even when we do nothing, we have made a choice to do that nothing. We essentially said “You are not important enough in my life for me to make the effort.”. The very conscious decision to do or say nothing is not benign. It is powerful and hurtful, even when your intent may have seemed innocent to you. Your actions, and even more so, your lack of actions do deliver a message to people.
The first thing we need to do is develop an awareness of the messages we send as a result of our choices. Will the decision make someone feel unimportant or insignificant? Will it be uplifting and reassuring to them? We need to decide what kind of friend and what type of person we want to be. What are the messages we want to begin (or continue) sending to the people in our lives? Once we decide that, we can make the choices that will best uphold and support those values.
As is true with anything, we get out what we put in. If the outcome of your choice isn’t one that you would like to deal with yourself, you can be pretty sure that your friends or the people you deal with will not appreciate it either. If you share positivity, you will surely get positivity in return.
Do yourself and everyone around you a kind favor. Before you make the choice to act or not act, be mindful that all you really have in this world when you leave is the way you treated those who are left behind. The memories they have of you are your only TRUE legacy. Choose wisely.
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